Dean Rivers (dean_r) wrote,
Dean Rivers

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Odd dream.

It started off at my Nan's home, we were getting rid of some clear plastic lino (as in, a kind of smooth covering for floors, which we used to have at Nan's) and were going to take it to a friend's house as they wanted what we wanted to throw away.

My sister carried a few square pieces of the lino while I carried the bulk of it, which I rolled into a tube. We waddled down the stairs from Nan's (top floor of a three-storey block of flats) to outside. We headed towards another set of flats to take it to people... we walked through a door which should've led to flats, except there was a busy, yet silent library instead.

My sister was unfazed by this and walked to an ornate chair in the library, and sat on it until the person who wanted the lino would show up. I was a little more confused and looked around, and saw two friends of mine looking sternly at me, while I carried the roll of lino over my head. Then, suddenly, one of the two's faces changed to shock, I was confused why - but when I looked up at the lino, there was a dead grey cat in it.

With that, I went to walk over to the two to explain I never knew about the cat before, but as soon as I said a word they just stared through me... and one of them put their palm flatly over where my heart would be on my body. I then looked down, and saw they were holding my heart and I just collapsed, with the two silently laughing over my dying body...

Then I woke up, and wrote the dream down, seeing I don't remember dreams easily, normally. Hm, well, that was odd.

This dream was about Astrid and Trudi Castle, who I 'worked' on a project with for A-Level Media Studies. We had to attempt to piece together bits of footage we'd filmed to make our own music video to The Jam's A Town Called Malice. I must have the video for that lying around this place somewhere still.

The two girls were my closest friends at Chace. We had similar interests (I always drifted from group to group so never had many strong friendships) and us three used to pop back to this place after our Media Studies lessons, to play games and then head back in again for nasty afternoon lessons.

Both of them were humorous, intelligent, mature and attractive. Being as timid as I was, though, I never told them that. Probably for the best, it would have sounded very cheesy to have been so honest to them.

I wasn't dealing well with life at this time, however. In fact, I was in an absolute state. As a result of talking to MiSung so late at night (she seemed to be one of the few people who could cheer me up at this point in my life) and helping Mum out far more, it made travelling in to school for 9 AM difficult - I often overslept. The fear of backlash towards my timid self made me afraid of returning. I got into a cycle of being too afraid of the backlash to go in, so I took one more day off to calm myself down, to go in next time.

Astrid and Trudi pulled me through the beginning of that video production, which makes me disappointed at myself. Near the end of the video I pulled my weight, I thought, but before then... I know I never explained why I was so morose and that must have frustrated them, because they really worked hard and I kept screwing things up by not feeling happy enough about myself to even come in, sit there and offer suggestions.

I nearly lost their friendship out of this. I deserved to, but they were tolerant. I apologise to you two for that whole escapade with the video project.

What you two didn't know: Miss Rehahn really was upset with the lack of my input on the work (though she knew how fragile I was) so suggested I could drop out of the course, and take an AS-Level paper for the next year, instead. I told her what'd been happening and she gave me a last chance, citing that while I was indeed going through a lot, dragging people down with me was the last thing a responsible student should do.

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