October 11th, 2006

Sweet Truth

Too many alpha males piss in the pot.

At this point in time, Jamie and I are so far down in funds that we are essentially hovering between black and red. Nothing makes you feel more like an adult than the stress of financial burdens treading on your toes, weighing you down. This is why childhood was golden, a colour that wanted no link to red, black or (if I want to fit in as an American) green.

Isn't it amazing how money complicates matters so much? It's just shiny bits of metal and security-laden pieces of paper that could have been used for many other purposes, but here they are, equating to what common people will refer to as their currency for their lives.

The Monster Raving Looney Party were a political party set up in the UK by Screaming Lord Sutch. Their political agenda didn't talk very much about the war on terrorism. Their good idea was to replace all currency with oranges, with the exception of One Million Pound Notes, which were given to anyone who had helped the party into power. One Million Pounds equated to one orange. I don't know if civilization has time for people like this just thirty years on. Everyone is so serious and has to grow up soon, so they can die from stress-related heart attacks before their lack of pension kicks in.

In my mind, any time past our teens that culminates in anger and stress could be our 'mid-life crisis', if we die earlier for any reason. I mean, what if all the stresses someone puts themselves under at the age of 21 comes back to wreck their body and mind (not to mention their soul!) by 40? There's so much negative energy around these days, that the notion seems more and more reasonable as I grow up.

I want to put a different pressure on me. I want to work as many hours as I can in these silly retail jobs. I want to work 40, 50 hours a week and I want to work 6, 7 days a week. I want to see how I adapt to that lifestyle. Of course, I'd far rather do something where the term minimum wage gets scoffed at, but I'm always too paranoid that my lack of American experience/credible English education will push me down the pecking order. Now is a good time to get some more positive energy in me about something like this.

When I close my eyes and sleep tonight I'm going to visualise floating, and just sensing the surroundings around me in that dreamworld. I'm going to try this as hard as I can. Sometimes the best way to soothe yourself and understand your role in life is to shut down as much of what you can do, and just sit somewhere for a while and become a part of the surroundings. It's not meditation per se, but it is relaxing, like the deep breath that uplifts you after a hard job is finally over.

I wanted to visit England for Christmas this year. It will be held off until I can say I have done enough to afford and deserve it. I sense this Christmas trip will occur in February or March now, if at all. Patience is key.
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