November 8th, 2006

Converse Contrast

The Post That Stopped Halfway.

As LJ broke, so did I. I was having a bad time.

KRSHSNCKPFFFT was the sound of the nylon sheet of the umbrella breaking free and half-flying down the road.
KKKSH was the sound of the zipper on my (drenched) coat breaking this morning, when I used too much and force turned the zipper from being stuck to being in pieces.
RRRZZ was the sound of the zipper on my (drenched) jeans breaking this afternoon, twenty seconds after the coat.
XXXXXXRG was the sound of my mind snapping from all of this.

I hoped that the day was karma trying to get me in one fell swoop. I loved the irony in that when the umbrella broke, I feared for the old saying 'Bad things happen in threes' so bought three more umbrellas. In my mind, this meant that two more would break and I'd still have an umbrella left at the end of the day. It'll teach me for thinking I was being witty.

I was also upset because this first half of the day was meant to be nice, whereas the evening would involve working at Hollywood Video for the last time, where I would work like I was possessed to try to get some forgiveness for the lack of notice I gave. I arrived early by an hour and a half and started to help out well before I was meant to, for this was the only time I could get a lift and the weather was so bad that walking was not an option - Tacoma was flooding. This extra time meant I had a longer break and I finally got to talk in-depth about how I ended up here. I didn't realise I was so vague about my lifestyle to people. Nobody knew my age and half the workers didn't notice I was married. It was a strange time, but a good one. I enjoyed that last shift and came home satisfied, at least.

But this was not the end of things. A lot more has been going on since. My first day of working at Gamestop was more intense than I expected, especially as I had to spend the last hour of my shift alone in the store, and then had to close the store and do all the paperwork necessary after watching the process just twice before, where the process was done very differently by the two managers.

And then I came home. Our landlord had popped by to see if the house was doing well while we were all out; she was nervous of flooding in the house. Instead, she had to deal with a stench of cat pee downstairs and was quite upset when she called Autumn later to let her know her opinion on things. Our only argument is that the cat is going soon, but that doesn't clean the floor downstairs and make it smell of roses all over again. Not without a lot of work. I was going to work on it tonight, but I'm home alone and it's 12:40 AM and I didn't feel like slaving away downstairs in a cold basement by myself.

This problem was followed by Jamie returning home and wanting to have what began to sound like a Talk. The capital letter is intentional, but thankfully it was not The Talk. A lot was discussed. A lot will remain private for now. Things are going to be a little different soon, and it'll give Jamie more of what she needs. Our lease will be over in March and the general opinion (which I found out about after the general opinion had been asked for) is that this part of Tacoma isn't right for us, and we should move back to roughly where we were. Jamie and I will live in an apartment which is close to Autumn & Sandy's. It will mean we are closer to people they all know. I've been a little cautious about finding friends here: too many people hear the accent and tell me it's adorable, and I don't know if I could have a conversation with someone like that. One word and they'll squeal with ecstasy at how I pronounce the word "ickle", or somesuch. I also know we're going to be uprooting a lot and I've hit the same cynicism Jamie had from her travels. Why bother with these people if it's convenient? And if I become too good a friend to someone who is a good friend to me, then in six months' time I'll just miss them terribly when I'm somewhere in Seattle instead.

I don't know. I'm not one for showing emotions, I'm a stoical fellow. But this has got me thinking, if nothing else. What did I want when I came to America? To Washington, for that matter? I wanted Jamie happy, but what did I want from it myself? I want to visit Canada. I want to see more of the different climates Washington has. I want to take some photos too, while Jamie has grown a little miffed at how her pictures do not seem to get anywhere past this laptop and her journal. But I'm not in that frame of mind right now. Right now, I'm going to try to make something edible to eat (i.e. something I can't throw up again) and probably go to bed, having had no interaction with anyone in this household past being unable to get a lift to work, pretty much.

And I'm going to look for local people on websites. See where good places to meet like-minded people are. I think some friends couldn't hurt. It'll give Jamie that extra independence she might want with it.