November 17th, 2006

Phoning Honey


I got to talk about the last post with Jamie in person. While posting on Livejournal got us talking, the post upset Jamie - so I won't do that again. The silver lining is that we talked enough from it to resolve a lot of the issues we both had, and I understand her better.

I do have a habit of making things worse. A lot of my sentences from the last post can easily be misconstrued and the overall message of our initial conversation that set it all up wasn't what came out in that post. Example being the usage of the word 'uncomfortable' for Jamie's ring. The ring is uncomfortable for Jamie to wear physically. She doesn't wear any of her rings right now. It wasn't meant to mean anything past that, but obviously it can do and did for Jamie and other people who read the post, I'm sure. And Jamie gets attention these days, but by the drunkards in the local bars - it's not attention she seeks or returns in the slightest. Another example: I talk of Jamie going out while I sit indoors, but I did that by my own choice and have been regretting it recently. I'm glad Jamie found her friends and I am in need of finding more friends in the area myself. As we talked about last night, I realised that I let myself get scared of debt to the point that I'll act irrationally to situations. Sitting around indoors won't save much money, as I'll inevitably get bored and go for a walk and buy something anyway.

These are the examples which are simplest to explain. You could probably go through the whole post and every sentence would have something slightly off with it, compared to what I truly meant, and as I said at the beginning of the post, it's not worth tempting fate by trying again and causing more chaos. So. Anyone who read the post before, ignore it - I didn't understand Jamie nor did I explain my thoughts clearly, and therefore it'd be unfair on Jamie and myself to change any opinions based upon this miscommunication. Honestly, there are no problems here that can't get fixed by further talking. Thank you for your support, though.

- o -

I do need a release of sorts from things, though. I feel like writing, but let's face it, I missed NaNoWriMo by a good 16 days so far. And also, I'd pad and rush a story out to fit to 50,000 words even if I had the whole month to write. I did get a prologue I felt comfortable with (but without a proofreader, these things are always tough to self-review, and most people struggle to find the time for fanfics) and I barely hit 2,000 words up to then. Of course, the problem with this story is that I simply started a story without much consideration for a middle, an end, or any characters past the protagonist. Or a town name. But I do have a good visual image of the protagonist to fill out a little... and I also know I'll give up on this soon enough. But it is an excuse to get the mind thinking again. I've gotten rusty at writing, as I prove when I write on LJ and don't explain myself correctly. I mean, I've not lost my grip on the language, but I certainly need to be more instinctive with my words, compared to the calculated mess I've become whenever I write anyway. It'd benefit me a lot if I could write posts without using the backspace key.
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