- Kids thought I lived in France because I could count up to thirteen in French when I was five.
- I used to think Lucozade Glucose Energy Tablets made me run faster, and did run a little faster after I'd taken some - a self-inflicted placebo on myself, I guess.
- I used to read books from the junior school next door due to getting bored of Roger Red Hat.
- I remember the joys of Speak 'n Spell. Someone in our school got one for Christmas. We were amazed.
- I was shocked when someone wrote "SEX" on one of the boy's toilet doors. What a rude word that was!
Junior school (Carterhatch Juniors, aged 7 to 11)
- In various school plays, I had to dress up as a pixie and as a genie. The other role I played I can't remember at all. However, despite the school having several musical numbers in the plays, I never danced in any of them due to my asthma causing mild attacks when I tried to practice the dances.
- I remember singing Travel On for a nativity, just because I felt like singing. I had a fairly good voice when I was younger, it did kinda dwindle into a scratchy voice as I grew up, alas.
- I managed to get known as the goody-two-shoes of the school. This meant some kids would try to pick on me, and I'd usually inflict some form of pain on them as retaliation. When they cried to a teacher the teacher would scoff and say "But Dean couldn't hurt a fly!"
- I remember the token fat kid nearly knocking himself out by running into a door that someone shut on him.
- I got onto the front page of the regional newspaper dressed as Raphael of the Turtles.
- Our football side was the best in Enfield, we creamed everyone 12-0. We used to think one of the people at our school would end up playing for England. He's working in a garage now.
- I managed to fail to pass a GCSE-standard paper (aimed at 16-year-olds) at 11, one mark off passing it apparently.
- I had my first crush on someone there. Looking back I can't see why I found them cute besides her having really vivid and beautiful eyes.
- I remember aged 11 we all went to Bournemouth for a few days. One of the days everyone went to go swimming and I asked if I could stay back at the hotel. My request was granted, and I remember feeling like an adult, being on my own in the middle of nowhere as far as I was concerned, even though I was in the safeness of a hotel.
- Every Friday someone would get a certificate as the nicest kid in the class for the week. I frequently won this when nobody else did anything special, for being a generally nice chap. One day the zipper on my trousers busted and I had to pick up this certificate and stand in front of the school, certificate in one hand, whilst barely holding up my trousers with the other. This same day one kid vomited whilst picking up their award, all over our projector where the school hymns were placed onto for all to read.
- We used to play a basic numbers round of Countdown in the morning, for year 6. The teacher would give us six single-digit numbers and ask us to make the total number at 8:40, when we were meant to be in. Winners would get a little prize. It was a way to keep us sharp whilst waiting for assembly at 9.