Dean Rivers (dean_r) wrote,
Dean Rivers
dean_r

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Monster.

While I was walking home, I began to think of what I'd say about this film. This may end up a long post because I have no idea what I'm going to say, or how much I'll remember.

No spoilers will be included.

I've never been one to swear. If I ever do, there's a fair chance I'll say just beforehand "I don't swear much, but..." as it allows me time to think; I work out if swearing is the appropriate thing to do at the time. Swearing isn't eloquent, as we know. It's blunt, especially when it's said by someone who doesn't swear often. I hate to be blunt. My point is that as I walked home I kept on thinking I wanted to use an expletive in my post, to show just how interesting this film was. The only time I swear is when my defences are down and I forget the little sentence to stop me swearing, and that only happens when something exceptional occurs to me. Watching such a well-created film counts as something exceptional. The paradox is that it's impossible to define this film with such blunt words.

So I kept walking, trying to think of eloquent words to define the film, before deviating to grab some double cheeseburgers from the local McDonalds:
"It's not that good a meal, but it's the only place that's open!"

For some reason I ended up with an extra slab of 'meat' in each burger. Maybe I'm liked there, maybe there was just too much meat being cooked and I got 'lucky'. The burger was as you'd expect. Once unwrapped you couldn't tell the top from the bottom of the burger. However, it was cheap and simple and something to keep you from eating your fingernails, at least. I'd snuck a bottle of German Cherry Coke into the cinema with me but never drank it until I walked home. Unlike the McDonald's meal, that was pleasant. It actually does have more than a slight hint of cherry to it. Well done, German Cherry Cola producers. You have... er, done well.

That is the quality of my reviewing. I envy the talent of good reviewers. People who could watch a film like that and assess the qualities of it. I watched the film, absorbed the film, but couldn't really assess the film, not in a "VERY GOOD FIVE STARS" kind of way. I also pity good reviewers due to how easily people claim the reviewer is slightly off the mark. It's hard not to be a critic when you believe you're right and someone else is wrong. So, given my reviewing acumen, I could write of the emotions the film offered me, but that's such a personal thing to offer that it'd be pointless in a review. I could talk of defining moments of the film, but they're subjective and again could spoil the whole film for others.

It's very hard to be good at reviewing things. Take this wondrous example of missing the point.
As hot as Charlize is, I have to see Ricci was cuter then her in this film. They could've shown a lil bit moe action between them.
Egads, people.

I realise the film can leave such an emotionally intense set of thoughts in your mind that it is possibly best to watch it on your own, or in a situation where a debate will not start over aspects of the film. It's just not a film you can actively and immediately talk about to friends, it has to sink in.

It's about now I said I wished I had a dictaphone. At this point where I'm struggling to remember what I said, I wished I had a dictaphone.

I remembered the one day travelcard I'd got earlier whilst nearly home, and I thought I'd be a kind soul and give it to someone at the bus stop (saving them a bus fare) before I turned a corner and was minutes from home. I was going to write about how there was some homeless guy at the shelter and my kind actions saved his life, but that didn't happen. Nobody was at the bus stop, and disappointed at this, I left the travelcard on the seating and walked around the corner. As I did, I forgot about the buses that travel to Enfield Town on our road, and walked past a young lady, in her early 20s. I felt informing her of a travelcard around the corner would seem quite mean (the odds she'd travel to obtain this, to see the bus zoom past were reasonable enough for her not to move) and she looked the type to be able to afford the pound for the bus fare, but still. I felt a bit of a lemon. If you're going to try to do something nice to gain some personal satisfaction out of it, make sure you do it properly else you feel like you're a bit silly. Or in my case, littering.

Anyway! I've apparently been amusing tonight. Extracts of this will inevitably end up on here, to be discussed, and to be found out to be not that funny at all.
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