Dean Rivers (dean_r) wrote,
Dean Rivers

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The amusingness of Mister Rivers and friends!

It all started here, with a simple story and a simple in-joke Phil began a long time ago. I never realised the British were meant to have awful teeth until he went on about it at any opportunity. From that I noticed a friend of mine found it amusing. Now, he's the amusing type. Conversations with him often eschew from their initial points, and we often end up having little events involving mocking each other.

Jusquun (02:54:06): Bingo?

So to initiate conversation without a point was asking for it. I must admit, I've amended a few words to make reading easier, as I've also taken some of the context out, to make reading this brisker.

Jusquun: So what is up in the land of yourself?
Alpha AndvariAR: wahh. hysterial confusion and a longing for companionship, today.
Jusquun: Use the hysterical confusion to your advantage: believe a pillow is your friend.
Jusquun: My pillow is called Christina. After Ms. Ricci and a pleasant ex from an online relationship that was doomed to fail due to distance. The pillow is slightly less buxomly than either lass, but it's still a nice enough name.
Jusquun: Try not to give the pillow a masculine name. You'll get odd looks.

Alpha AndvariAR: you're either hysterically brilliant or just kind of crazy. but so well-spoken all the same!
Jusquun: Oh, I'm sure it's more of the former. If it was the latter... well, we'd all be doomed when I blow us all up.
Alpha AndvariAR: i usually am doomed immediately prior to being blown up, actually.
Alpha AndvariAR: ( OMG I BESTED DEAN WTF )
Jusquun: The problem is, I can [...] throw something so completely stupid at that sentence, to make you give up.

It'd probably involve the story of a man in Germany who attempted to blow up a bank. One man was hungry and didn't want to die, and so wished the sticks of TNT were sausages. He lunged at the man who wanted to blow himself up and bit at the sausage-like packs around the "bomber"'s waist.

Indeed, they were sausages! However, not being cooked, this gentleman went into hospital with extreme food poisoning.
Alpha AndvariAR: um. damn. you win.
Jusquun: Consider it a draw.
Jusquun: Where I'm doing better than you, but I'm too lazy to admit victory.
Alpha AndvariAR: fiend! i should cut you in half!
Jusquun: And have another entity potentially outwit you?
Alpha AndvariAR: AHHHH
Alpha AndvariAR: STOP IT
Jusquun: A draw it is!

Jusquun: One evening you try to make a joke of the socioeconomic status of France, and then you stop for a moment and think "Wait. That's really not funny. Shut up."

And then you "bide your time" by insulting random people until they find the insults amusing instead of harmful. It's great!
Alpha AndvariAR: again!
Alpha AndvariAR: stop it!
Alpha AndvariAR: say something dimwitted and unentertaining!
Jusquun: I'm not going for the obvious unfunny again - if the socioeconomic structure of France provides my downfall once, shame on it. If the socioeconomic structure of France provides my downfall twice, shame on me.
Alpha AndvariAR: stop ti!
Alpha AndvariAR: god damn it!

Alpha AndvariAR: can you be NOT british?
Jusquun: Can you?
Alpha AndvariAR: easily!
Jusquun: Excellent! Teach me!
Alpha AndvariAR: first of all, be occasionally lax with your capitalization.
Alpha AndvariAR: also, say things that don't sound thought-out and/or intelligent.
Jusquun: ...but then I'd seem like one of the filthy commoners.
Jusquun: Was that lax on the capitalisation, at least?
Alpha AndvariAR: that's hilarious! stop it.
Alpha AndvariAR: yes, I suppose this gag is running in circles now.
Jusquun: Yes.
Alpha AndvariAR: but seriously, you cannot say anything that doesn't seem thought out or clever.
Jusquun: I'm currently kicking my own arse, I'm that good.
Alpha AndvariAR: like that. damn, man.
Jusquun: I know. I was quite proud of that "Yes." Had an authoritative sound to it.
Alpha AndvariAR: see?
Alpha AndvariAR: I mean, dang.

Alpha AndvariAR: i wish i had your conversational skills, is all. these aforementioned skills border on mad.
Jusquun: Border on mad? I'll have you know I'm completely bonkers.
Alpha AndvariAR: aha! that was a nonclever response, as I was inferring you to have "mad skills."
Alpha AndvariAR: you failed to pick up on it, or somesuch!
Jusquun: Of course it was. You were beginning to develop an inferiority complex. How can I properly insult someone if they don't believe they have any ability to fight back?
Alpha AndvariAR: Aha! I did not in fact have such a complex!
Alpha AndvariAR: And your implication here is simply an attempt to excuse your failure and re-establish the sense of my weaknesses!
Jusquun: Does that make you feel great?
Alpha AndvariAR: Somewhat!
Alpha AndvariAR: But I am moreover taking a pleasant joy from it, and will soon move along to other things! So YEAH.
Jusquun: You're easily pleased, then. I'll have to say excessively stupid things more often.
Alpha AndvariAR: You can't trick your way through this one, no matter how british you are.
Alpha AndvariAR: Damn it! No!
Alpha AndvariAR: No! wait! no! that's not a turnaround!
Alpha AndvariAR: ...oooh.
Alpha AndvariAR: damn it, you're good.
Alpha AndvariAR: fine, fine. you're still in the lead.
Alpha AndvariAR: I can deal with that.
Jusquun: Phwoar, those socioeconomic circumstances in France, they're quite amusing, aren't they?

It's like they want us to believe they're so right wing, they're right wing!
Jusquun: See, now we're about equal. And you owe me one.
Alpha AndvariAR: no, because that was a cleverly planned and implemented instance of faux-idiocy. it is paradoxical to consider it idiotic at all.
Jusquun: You believe I am capable of faux-idiocy?
Alpha AndvariAR: of course!
Jusquun: Therefore any moment from now where I appear inferior to you is simply a moment of outrageously intelligent faux-idiocy, and I am still way out in front.

End result: incorrect answer. Please insert coin to continue.
Alpha AndvariAR: GOD DAMN IT.
Alpha AndvariAR: STOP
Alpha AndvariAR: just STOP
Jusquun: Okay.
Jusquun: Now's a good time to put it all on LJ anyway. It's too long a conversation as is. Who'll read all this?
Alpha AndvariAR: nobody, so I won't.
Alpha AndvariAR: but damn.

Alpha AndvariAR: i always declared myself as having a PhD in Compensatory Arts.

You should add that on a site somewhere. You'd be the only person.
Alpha AndvariAR: astounding again!
Jusquun: I was curious. It's the first time I'd heard the phrase, it amused. I had to check.
Alpha AndvariAR: that is to say, a thought of mine amused you?
Jusquun: Of course.
Alpha AndvariAR: woot! but I earn nary a posting >_<
Alpha AndvariAR: i do not impress you!
Jusquun: Oh, the whole sorry escapade's going up before I go.
Alpha AndvariAR: eh? what do you mean?
Jusquun: The power of LJ-cut, man.
Alpha AndvariAR: i aint posting it... that would be far too typical of me!
Jusquun: I may as well then! I know some may enjoy it.

I post too many odd conversations. I know some of you out there do find them interesting, though. One of the great assets of living over here is seeing so many wonderfully dry comedians. Watching them helps to develop a rather sarcastic intellect.

Tony Slattery, you were the first real teacher I ever had.

Now, sleep. I've had a good day of doing lots. Tomorrow, I'm going to be lazy; I'm going to tidy up lots.

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