Dean Rivers (dean_r) wrote,
Dean Rivers

  • Mood:

Muted to the eyeballs.

Just had one of those twinges, where something feels wrong. Ominous, even.

I feel a little more paranoid about events recently. I'm not as open as I used to be, for some reason - just thinking out loud, but the alteration of my perception, regarding what seems right to be discussed with people, is a possibility. Maybe that's another reason for the lessening of livejournal posts from me. I guess I'm having one of those periods of time where I'm examining my life and wondering what is going on and where it leads, and the less posts I make, the less I feel like an idiot if I do end up heading in another direction, not happy with how I was.

I've had the ability to work harder than I do. I'm sitting at work typing this up because I don't get paid enough to do real credible work on a Sunday evening. Doing no more than the basics is sometimes fine, but I'm letting it happen too frequently these days.

So, now I'm trying to see at what point I became relaxed with this low-ambition lifestyle and see exactly what that'll offer me if I keep going with it. I wonder if I am letting my life revolve around my family too much; the feeling of breaking free and away might be kicking in, yet I don't see why at the same time.

I think that's also based on why I feel like travelling. Just because a temporary break is all that I feel comfortable with the sound of. I quite like the stasis of my life right now, even if I do question it. Maybe I'm not sure what to do with a good thing, it's been a while since I felt that about life.

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