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There's a storm in my teacup!

Well, in my dollar store mug.

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Yuk yuk!
Today I walked past a child (I'd guess his age to be 12 or less) with a blowtorch in his hands and a humongous grin on his face. I think I upset him by not caring as much as he did about this situation.

"I've got a blowtorch!"
"Oh. Yes. Yes, you do."

Of course, deep down, I cared a lot about this situation, because WHY IS A CHILD WALKING AROUND WITH A BLOWTORCH WHEN I'M NOT?

- o -

When film characters relate to people, I've noticed they've felt excited and comforted by this, primarily due to the sensation that somewhere someone can write a character that understands exactly what the individual is going through. I've yet to hear from anyone that's felt upset due to a film character having similar traits to themselves.

But when friends say something like "I noticed someone who was just like you!" from looks or traits, there's more of a feeling of jealousy. As if the sensation of individualism and friendship isn't as strong - if there's someone out there just like you, the friend could go to that person instead.

We are a fickle bunch. Or maybe I'm not meeting the right people. I suppose the issue is that you're making the judgement in the first instance and have an idea of who is asimilar to yourself, whereas the second instance is what a friend perceives you to be. I suppose that impersonal touch prevents us from being so optimistic to know someone out there may be just like us, unless they're a celebrity on a pedestal somewhere.

- o -

I was informed today that it was a good idea to join the rat race, by someone who can get angered with humanity and its traits. It made me think, and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry inside with the news. I was also told that while I'm not a morning person, neither is anyone else and I should get on with it. Again, that's someone too heavily set in a routine of 9-5 (or in this case, 10-6) to care for a different perspective on life.

Sometimes I wake up very late, because I'm not asleep until very late. I might be looking out of a bedroom window at this time of night, seeing the stars and the moon and hearing the birds chirp. But the thing I like most about this time of the night is that you're very unlikely to hear a human sound. I don't hear loud shouting by obnoxious people and I don't hear the noise of vehicle engines. It is a blissful time that so many people miss out on. It's a little strange to think that some people get themselves so stressed and don't believe they have a place to relax to, when a late night glimpse at the world around us really hits home how insignificant all our problems really are, and how important it is to try to enjoy our life over anything else.

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Of course, deep down, I cared a lot about this situation, because WHY IS A CHILD WALKING AROUND WITH A BLOWTORCH WHEN I'M NOT?

Someone's jealous of this child....

Actually, I am too. o_o

I hope you don't mind if I add you as a friend. I'm a friend of Jamie's so I cruised over here. I've been looking for well-written journals and yours is entertaining. Absolutely no obligation to add me back of course. I just like to watch.


I had a quick browse of your journal, and a favourable comment or three from Jamie about the person you are. There's a fair amount in your posts, but I'm curious and I certainly don't get enough decent stuff to read. Rather one long meaningful post over a handful of memes any day.


Very true. The bestest time the 24hr clock is the period from 3 to 6am. All the stressfull people are asleep, you are alone with your own thoughts and you can contemplate the bigger and more meaningful things in life. Also computers run better at night! To the young, idealist, that is the state they always want to be in, and so sleep through the day and get up late. Dean, I have already been there, lived there, built a communtiy there and mapped the entire region! No problem in your own little Eutopia but unfortunatley you PHYSICALLY don't exist in that Eutopia, despite the fact you may MENTALLY exist in there. Things such as food, shelter, etc, cost. Somebody is accountable for it, but so long as it's not you then who cares! Society continues around you, but you are protected from it by your parents. Why? Because your're scared of it (society) and prefer to sit in your comfortable place and throw rocks at it. No problem if you have a point of reference! You have probably guessed who this is (and if you ain't, you're thick!), so I was not saying it was a good idea to join the rat race; just, you might like to grow up a bit and come join in. You don't have to like it, but at least your bitching is valid! We live in a very free society (which you should thank God for). You can exist in your Eutopia for the rest of your life, meet your strange friends (Jamie not included; like Jamie; she's got work ethic), and deal with life's problems your own special way. Why then bitch about the rest of society when you haven't ever worked in it, don't see the day to day problems sheep (sorry, normal) people have to deal with and learn from them? In summary, I have a problem working in society myself. The best place for me is your Eutopia place. Who's paying my rent while I'm there!!!!! Plus I just want YOU to turn up regular so I don't have to! X

Nice to see you about, first of all.

I would concede that this post was written on the Tuesday. This was a Tuesday where both Jamie and I had done six hours of work up to then, for you to come in and insult her work (remember, something about how being female/American made her work of a lesser quality?) and frankly, you can't have expected anything else you said on the day to be seen in a positive perspective after that.

I note that this week I've worked over 30 hours, the first time I have for a while. In fact, the only times I recall being given enough responsibility to work over 30 hours was when Simon went off on holidays, and the job for the staff members was to keep the shop in stasis until Simon got back. I suppose that's why I never liked the morning work when I did it - there really wasn't much 'responsibility' offered to me. This week hasn't felt like a burden, things felt better behind the counter yesterday with the work that was done during the week, and I still had a day of freedom on Friday to wander around London. I've also got a half-day of freedom today, which is... dragging on horribly, really. I feel inclined to walk into work earlier because at least I can do something of benefit with today.

I do know that there is a fear of routine - moreso than a fear of society - in me. I like the irregularity of the hours I work and the people I meet. I know with this job that there is freedom; if I'm not working in the daytime I can get things done, but still work in the evenings so I can (literally) earn something else out of the day.

I know with the family I have (something I'll discuss the next time I catch you in a sociable and sober mood, if you remind me) I have things to worry about, and this has been the only problem of the week. The family doesn't get on, and I'm a passive person who seems to quell arguments between family members - the females in our family are hot-headed and stubborn. In this week of work, I've seen family ties deteriorate because I've not seen the problems coming. It's apt, but frustrating.

But for this week things have, in general, felt better. I know you don't mind the idea of me working more but I didn't see how I'd fit in before this week, and how it could be reasonable to people above us both to want to employ someone else for more hours at this point in time. Without a feeling of worth (something the staff feel) it's hard to want to push yourself into join in more. But if there was a need and I was asked to help, I was always interested - take that night until 2 AM aimlessly sorting things months ago - and I still am interested to help whenever something is asked of me. I've just been neutral on actively pushing for more hours, and content with whatever is thrown my way.

I mean, it wasn't until a month ago that I was blatantly told that there was more time available and I've been doing more hours and covering more shifts since then. So if you want me to turn up more regularly so you don't have to, I'll do what I can. I just didn't see that as what was really needed up until I see the state of affairs with Dean's other workplaces. Now I do.

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