Enfieldean

dean_r


There's a storm in my teacup!

Well, in my dollar store mug.


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Enfieldean
dean_r
Here's the epic thing, then. It'll be a long post, but if you don't have time for this post, you don't have time for the life-altering moment of me, Mr. dean_r.

Some of you have caught me at the right time on messaging programs to know about this, but to a fair amount of you, this may be a shock. I realised this as Jamie and I talked last night. I don't usually write in a sappy fashion on this journal. I explained I met Jamie, I explained that she moved in, I explained that we travelled around a lot together. I thought everyone could connect the dots to form a heart, as it were.

Y'see, the problem this relationship faces is that we've been living together now since September, so we have a good idea of how well we get on around each other. But with Jamie's visa only temporary, we jokingly talked about how the only way we'd be able to stay together in January would be marriage. Come March, we were so happy about being with each other, and certain we wanted to keep the relationship going for as long as possible, we looked into the ways that Jamie could stay over here. And the only way she could stay was: to get married. This wasn't a bad thing, as we wanted to commit to each other at some time - it just surprised us how strict and difficult it is to remain with someone you love if you're not born in the same country as them.

We obtained the forms that gave Jamie the chance to get married to me in the UK (as intercontinental marriages aren't the norm and extra paperwork is needed) but had to wait until we got back from our trip to America to send them off, due to the desire of the preliminary papers wanting our passports to confirm who we are.

It's now May, and we've just come back from America. Jamie's talked to her family, explained the situation, said this may be the last time they see her for a while, and comes to terms with leaving everything behind. But deep down she's homesick - for her friends, for her food, for her town. Enfield hasn't offered her any concrete opportunities to work and people still demean her for being American. Meanwhile, I saw a pleasant area where she lived. I understand that the same problems could happen for me if I went there; I might struggle to find a job at first, I might struggle to deal with the food and the loss of my close friends. But I asked Jamie if it might be better if we got married in America, and I moved there. Thinking from the head and the heart, it seems a wiser option.

I met more of Jamie's friends in the two weeks that we were in America than I've introduced her to here. Enfield isn't the home of the interesting individual - it's mob culture at times, and there's only a handful of people in the local area that I consider my friends. But then I only see these friends sporadically - once or twice a week, usually. If I collect email addresses and contact details, I'd still be able to talk to them. I wouldn't be lost from them forever. Also, some of Jamie's closest friends have become close friends to me, even after a few short visits I have three or four people in mind that I know I could get on really well with.

Jamie's family was hospitable to me when we met, and Jamie confirms that now they've matured a bit, they're all very caring and considerate family members who would do all they could to help me settle in. Whereas my family here keep falling apart and causing rifts between themselves. My family is very compacted and while the family seems to fight and a family member goes stray from the family for a while, they always seem to come back together. Also: my mother insists on doing the [clothes] washing and keeps shrinking Jamie's clothes.

As for school/work: Jamie's decision of wanting to stay here felt like she was prepared to throw away the two years of education she'd persevered with, just for me. Middlesex has set her back by almost a year, but if we head away from that dump, Jamie can finish her schooling in America - I hate the idea that when Jamie gets older, she'll feel that she wasted two years of her life on a course she never completed. It also potentially gives her a career. With her qualifications, short-term, Jamie can only look forwards to retail here. And if I go to America, I lose my job at the games shop. But if truth be told, the place is losing money all over the place, and I might be bailing ship just as it's sinking. I don't mind retail, and from working I have a lot of money saved up (which, due to the weakness of the dollar, becomes a more impressive amount of money to start off with over there) to use until another job shows up.

Food, I can live with - aside from American cheese. That's one of the most putrid ideas the Americans have thought of. I'll miss savoury snacks, though. I sigh at the thought of no more Peperami, but I'll come to terms with that by eating more Combos than a human should. Jamie is also depressed at the lack of variety shops in Enfield offer for vegetarians here. Jamie's been forced to deal with eating more Quorn Premieres at McDonald's than she should have to. I'm content to experiment and try out new foods, and being able to eat meat I guess there's a larger variety of foods on offer for me there than there is here for her.

The biggest fear I have is how I'd get all my possesions over. I'm going to be selling a lot of items around this room on eBay in the immediate future, just to rack up extra money to take with me to the US. I also feel sad to lose the gaming collection I have. Realistically, however, I can continue the legacy in the US. And they do get the games out there earlier, don't they?

I mentioned in the post before, that I might have favours of some of you. Some people spring to mind with some problems, some favours are vague and more a hopeful thing that someone may be able to help with. But any help would be appreciated. Of course, this is all dependant on everything going through and me remaining in the US. But I'd rather give a fair warning to you all, so anyone that can help can tell me they can in advance.

THE FAVOURS
Information on how a British person can get married in America - kemayo already found us a lot of helpful links. Thank you so much for everything you offered. It's helped Jamie feel more confident about the process to understand it can and has been done by someone before.

Assistance in moving possessions to the US - to put it in a less vague manner, does anyone want to go to New York when we go there? We couldn't help with the flight money, but we could try to help in terms of a place to stay. This will help me settle in and will also allow us to use your suitcases to bring our possessions over. But let's face it, you only need to take one suitcase when you travel to a place like New York - you'll be buying so many souvenirs and trinkets that you'll want a spare case to bring all those things home in.

Information on British music/television I'm missing out on while I'm gone - I have a few friends here who write about interesting television shows and new bands that they're impressed by. I will miss the humour of good British comedy - I don't see something like Peep Show getting anywhere in the US, and would bittorrent up any sliver of new and impressive comedy old Blighty produces. Likewise for small British bands that'll never make it to American radio stations. I'd like to be kept abreast of such things.

People who will trade British foods for American foods - you send strange foods I miss here, I send strange American foods you like there. This could extend to other items, if games don't get to certain regions, etc. Likewise, I'll do all I can to send someone something American, if they desire it. I imagine I'll have a bit of free time when I get over there, so having something to do would keep me active and content, at least.

Information on how to put a lot of things on eBay at the same time quickly - I have a lot to sell. Are there any power-selling programs around? Are any of them actually good?

I have all this and then some on my mind. Now you know why I'm not on AIM so much. Now you know why I don't post so much. The amount of determination in getting me out there is what is driving me right now, and everything else is less important.

Computer-y help - If I move, I lose my Blueyonder email account and my webspace. As a result, I need someone to help host things until I get a decent ISP in America and re-upload it. It'd be around 2-3Mb of space I need, if I trim the things I have uploaded. I have one email address which has nothing to do with blueyonder: I guess that'll end up being my primary email address.

Do you know what might be useful, after tutting and tsking over it before now? A gmail account. Just as a temporary account until I get something sorted out. Anyone have one of those invites spare?

-o-

Today I'm going to the police station to give information about myself to them, so I can get a police report showing I'm a very nice person in the future. This is helpful in allowing me to go over to the US. I'm going to head into town and sell a few games that I bought recently, that I can get good money for right now, rather than shoving them onto eBay slowly and their value depreciating. And then I work this evening - maybe Jamie can start to throw things onto eBay, if a good program can be found quickly.

Thanks for your time on this. Of everything I've written on here, this is the most important thing to me. If you've read this, it means a lot. If you can help with any of the problems, I'll be in your debt.

And with this post out of the way, I can go back to posting silly things. I'll get round to scanning the pieces of paper I wrote on during my US trip. You can see how (read: if) my mind works at 10,000 feet and you can find out just how much I hated transcontinental Peperami rivals.

I have to go to back to work in a second (in NJ!) but I haven't had too much trouble with missing things from back home when I'm over here. You can listen to radio shows from the UK online (the BBC has an excellent radio player), the football is all on TV if you're prepared to pay (watching the FA Cup final on Saturday morning)... as for comedy, well usually some obscure station in the US signs the best of British comedy up.

Best of luck with the situation mate... I'm not usually too much of a help with immigration stuff, though there are LJ communities dedicated to it. I suggest signing up to them.

Yes, from where you are (Hardwick?) it's a 45-minute drive from a relative of Jamie's.

Maybe I'll somehow see you again. Would be one odd twist of fate for that to occur.

Information on British music/television I'm missing out on while I'm gone - I have a few friends here who write about interesting television shows and new bands that they're impressed by. I will miss the humour of good British comedy - I don't see something like Peep Show getting anywhere in the US, and would bittorrent up any sliver of new and impressive comedy old Blighty produces. Likewise for small British bands that'll never make it to American radio stations. I'd like to be kept abreast of such things.

You can download these from the binary newsgroups with news.verizon.net, and my DSL. (Verizon's American news server is one of the best in the country)

Good luck with everything. If you need my help with anything just ask.

Thanks. I had one extra thought, which I just added to the post - nothing spectacular, something I imagine you'd be best at aiding me with, though.

I have a few megabytes of things uploaded - things like the picture I use for navigation on my journal - that I need to move someplace, to keep safe for when my family kill the broadband and Blueyonder kills the webspace. I also need a reliable transitional email address. I have one of those, but a backup couldn't ever hurt.

Then there's other things to do with computers... ach, I'll explain another time to you on AIM especially. But there's a lot I can ask you about, if you don't mind. Thanks for your help up to now, though, and thanks for the kind message.

People who will trade British foods for American foods.

I am so totally more than happy to do this. Would need to find out the easiest way to ship foodstuffs, but I'm sure that's easily done. Especially since Peperami isn't exactly the most delicate of savoury snacks.

Depending on when it is you're going, I might be able to help with the moving thing. Just a case of being able to save up enough in time.

Good luck with the rest of it, hon.

Peperamis could just go in a bubble-wrap manilla envelope. It doesn't need to be refrigerated, so it'd arrive fine.

I hope to be leaving around the August/September time: this is something I'll be playing by ear myself, so this may end up a bit of a short-notice thing to anyone at a later date. Plane prices for that time of the year aren't cheap, sadly. But I'll find out more info soon.

And thanks for the well-wishing.

Just bunged you a Gmail invite, mate.

Wow, sounds like things are a go-go with you! The very best of luck, I say, and I hope it all works out. As for being kept abreast of TV shows you're missing, I'm carrying on with my irregular TV reviews, so keep an eye on them from time to time.

Oh! Apparently "it wasn't aimed at me", so my mail filter filtered it out.

That was clever of it. I'll see if I can retrieve it.

I think both you and Jamie are very brave for doing this, and I support you guys all the way. I was about to offer help with the webspace and the Gmail account, but looks like those things are covered.

One random thing that keeps bugging me is that people would still demean Jamie and talk down to her because she's American. I know that it's a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch. But I can't see that happening here to you -- if anything, the phrase, "Oh don't mind him, he's English" will be said out of affection rather than a dismissive or hurtful manner. Honest!

I was going to say the same thing. We had a British guy working with us for about a year. He had no problem making friends or fitting in, and when he left he remarked how friendly and warm Americans were to him (of course, this was Colorado, not New York). Also one of my best friends for many years now is a Londoner. I'll bet you'll be fine.

Also admire your bravery for making such a huge move!

Congratulations! I must admit that I did indeed connect the dots and so this doesn't come as much of a surprise. I'd offer to help you, but all I could really do has already been offered. That said, if you think of anything, feel free to ask! I have several friends who have been in England for the semester and have probably worked out a bunch of the things you'll have to deal with - let me know if you want their contact info.

I am sure I can think of more, it's just trying to get ideas of transition into my head: what would I need to do to live in America?

One thing that has just entered my mind is how I would get my English money into an American account somewhere. Not only that, but what American banks are good and reliable and operate in the UK also?

But I'll put all these surplus thoughts into another post in the future. Best to keep specific thoughts and requests to specific areas, so I can hunt the information down better in the future.

Yay! I am so happy you are both coming back here!!!!!!! If you need ANYTHING AT ALL just ask either me or Sean.....FYI, there are a ton of game stores here that you could work for and I have become very fond of many of them....

English food is actually not terribley hard to come by here. There are english food stores in NYC and several in this surrounding area. As well, you are always welcome to come over and have Sean's mom cook english foods, as she does every Sunday and various days of the week. I promise that you won't miss the food that much if you take me up on that offer! As well, there are several GOOD pubs around here too :)

Have you looked into yahoo mail? I know thats free, but I don't know what kind of account that you need.. If you need a g-mail account I can ask my sister, she has a ton..

I think you and Jamie are very brave for doing this...By the way, people here love the English! There is a very strong English presence here in Bergen county... I could help you meet up with some of them if you would like!

The funny thing is that yesterday Sean & I were speaking of how much we missed you to and wished we could spend more time together. We love you guys very much!!!!! If you need ANYTHING let me or Sean know:

Jamie says that's the most excited and intense a comment that she's seen from you, and to take this as a massive thumbs up about me being a decent person.

Which is kind of obvious from the things you say also, but just to let you know you left an impression on Jamie as well as me with this comment.

Anywhere that's a game shop that would hire me, would be a good starting point. I do know that GameStop just bought EB and a few shops may disappear, so I might struggle with this - but that would be the ideal job for me to get into.

English food? It's not necessarily the meals that I'd miss, as most of the things I eat are generic (hamburgers, frankfurters et al) but it's the snacks that I'd be distressed about. Still, I saw enough variation in flavours to keep me entertained and I'm sure there'll be a few import shops around there - directing me towards those would make me very happy, though. Maybe a good fish and chip shop so I can enjoy odd treats like saveloys and sausages in batter, though. That's where we go to eat traditionally every Friday. I like that aspect of my life.

I've been sent a Gmail invite, and so will set that up later tonight. I know everyone who's used Gmail has tens of invites spare these days.

I noticed that politeness and surprise to hear an English accent over there, but never felt uneasy from their reaction. This has been the difference between how I fared in America, compared to Jamie and England.

Jamie enquired if you'd want to see England enough to come visit, and be one of the stooges people who can take some of our possessions back with you. It wouldn't be much: DVDs primarily, which you could watch (and hopefully enjoy) when you got back. I need someone from the area who can do these things and you seem the best person for this.

Reminder to self: Gmail account set up.

First part of it: enfieldean.

I hate that Gmail hated underscores.

Aha! I had suspected in the back of my mind that it was you whom you were referring to in my journal. ;)

I always frown at the idea of someone leaving Europe for the USA. I may be a tad biast, but it seems to me like you're moving away from a savory steak to a greenish fast-food hamburger. Then again, New England isn't the South. (In reality, I'm comparing Spain and Italy to Miami, and pretending it's Europe vs America.) Aaaand New York is fairly close-ish to Massachusetts, so perhaps the group of us could hang out one day!

I can help you out with gmail. Just send an email to cris.fdez AT gmail.com and I'll gladly invite you along. Even though another friend of yours offered, I could give 50 of your closest pals a gmail invitation as well. ;) I have plenty to spare.

I'll see what I can do in helping get your stuff to NY. I'm researching how to move my stuff 1500 miles, myself, so I'm getting a lot of info! Expect it to be rather costly.

it just surprised us how strict and difficult it is to remain with someone you love if you're not born in the same country as them.

It surprised me, too, when I first realized the hardships of an intercontinental marriage as a teenager. One of my teachers had fallen for a gal he'd met while doing volunteer work in the Carribean. More recently, a co-worker of mine (who had been living in the USA for most of her life but wasn't a citizen) had to marry her boyfriend in a month's time due to immigration crap. It's very hard to do what seems to be a simple thing! It just seems so easy for an illegal immigrant to marry some citizen

Oh no, it wasn't me! It was Jamie who I referred to! Ahem.

I didn't like the idea of moving to America, until the Bush-Blair friendship. Since then, England is acting like it's the 51st state.

New England does not equate to New Jersey; and it's a beautiful place to be. It's a shame it has some American laws on it, but then that's life and you have to take the rough with the smooth.

I feel that to get it across an ocean, the best way is to either pack heavy bags and pay an excess fee, or get other people to help move things. Of course, I also need to go through everything I own and decide selectively on what I can get when I'm over there, and what is so quintessentially English that I'll never see it again without paying a ludicrous fee for it. And then the sales start!

Heh, the dots seemed to pretty much blur into obvious lines for me, when you mentioned looking at ways to extend her stay here I wondered if this is what you were hinting at (here or there).

I'm really happy for you and if this is what you want then you know I'll be with you. One condition I demand a wedding invite if it happens over the next year (as I'm in America).

I would offer to help with taking stuff over but I'm already over packed trying to think what I'll need myself for a year.

UK tv and stuffs there's always UKnova for torrents.

Also try emailing eBay themselves, I'm sure there is a way to add big batches and they'd be more than willing to help get themselves money.

It'll happen in August/September, if all goes well. A little longer if it goes badly.

You'll find you'll buy quite a lot over there, especially if the climate you're moving into isn't like where you live. I was using the dollar's weakness to my advantage and buying things other there happily - trivial things like socks can be bought for so little (when taken into consideration) that taking loads is pointless.

There is always UKnova. I used to use it before I went to America. However, when I returned I noticed I couldn't login. I must be honest, I can't remember my username or the email address I used to sign up with - and I notice an update on the site saying people were being kicked off if they're weren't helping by uploading.

I was told of a Power Listing program by someone who's using eBay quite a lot, so that'll be of use.

I'm always uncertain what foods I can/can't send. And you've reminded me i don't talk half so much about music as i used to! Blah!
*hugs* i hope everything works out well for you guys! Ee!
xx

Perishable goods are bad - for obvious reasons. Meats aren't meant to be allowed in, but in reality processed meats (my Peperamis!) are fine.

Eee... I wish ye both the best!

People who will trade British foods for American foods
I'm more than happy to do this once in a while. I like sampling new scoff, and there's a few games for the PS2 that never made it over here.

I understand that problem with games that just didn't arrive. Pain in the neck, that.

Holy Shit...

That's a hu-owge step dude.
Good Luck!

I can copy stuff from the telly onto DVD if you ever want specific shows that you can't get any other way. If you're loving Peep Show like I am, we probably have the same tastes in comedy.

The best thing about moving across the pond is that you can lie on your CV and they'll never know! My boyfriend owns an IT consultancy if you ever need references!!

xxx

It's quite a large one. It's still not certain, but we're trying to make it as certain as we can.

Y'see, that mention of copying to DVD is one of the nicest bits of news up to now. I got the second season via UKnova a few months back and Jamie adores it, as well as me. Anything like that is good.

Speaking of that, Dylan Moran's on 4 tonight at 10. That sounds like it might be very amusing. At least, I hope so. It'll make the visit to Nan's more interesting.

And yes, CV-lying may well occur. I actually invented the A-Level and built the London Eye in my spare time.

I have hordes of hosting space if you need anything stored.

Me too, but i'll bet I have a better domain!

Wow. I think you've got most of the help that you need from people earlier in the comments thread, but I wish you all the best - it's a big move, but I'm sure you'll do well. I'd like your home address once you move, though :)

It sounds like a challenge, that's for sure - but a fun challenge most of all. We'll just have to see how it goes.

I will let you know of an address change. No plans to move from the UK for months, though.

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