Dean Rivers (dean_r) wrote,
Dean Rivers

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I did this before. I'm not doing this again.

The first few hours of 2007 were spent cleaning my bedroom. My 2007 has started by confusing someone regarding the friendship we have, an inability to call my family to wish them a Happy New Year, and an inability for me to get in contact with local friends.

Personally, I think I'm going to go back to cleaning the bedroom out. At least there was progress involved. Though I feel bad as all I'm doing is stacking things which are Jamie's onto her side of the room. When I'm done, it'll look like half a cleaned room at best.

I don't know what to make of wearing the wedding ring any more. I am technically married still, but it's a little hard to progress past the relationship not working for now, and developing who I am, when I can look down and see a ring on my hand all the time. It's a visual cue which is making it harder to get on with life. Jamie doesn't wear hers any more because it doesn't fit comfortably, but I don't want my decision to be based upon hers.

It also doesn't help for when I become more comfortable with myself and want to progress past being single, if Jamie isn't the right person for me. But then that's not just the ring that's the issue there, but the whole marriage. It doesn't help that the second question a person will ask to me is how I ended up here, the first question asking where the accent is from. The honest answer is the best answer, but will also be the answer that'll need quite a bit of elaboration, which people won't expect. And I do have a habit of rambling on.

I think I'm going to go for a little while without wearing the ring, to see how it feels. I'll feel naked without it on, and I think it might make me more self-conscious by not wearing it. But there's only one way to find out, and given the lack of contact, I won't have to worry about interaction from people curious about me for the immediate future. I have a little bit of time to work out my spiel for the question.

I also should eat better. I need more protein and better fats in my diet, but never feel like cooking the soy foods in the household, preferring simple pasta or anything you can throw in an oven and ignore for half an hour. It's too much of a carbohydrate-based diet for right now. I at least lost the gut that arrived from eating continuously greasy food at Burger King opposite from West Coast Video. Slim people can get guts if they eat terribly. I eat terribly. Also: less soda and more of that flavoured water. It's always so expensive initially, but it's so much better for me in the end.

But I want some good pizza today. I need a guilty pleasure. Do I go for Pizza Hut or Round Table Pizza? One's more expensive, one involves walking towards work - I never get away from the place, even on my days off... at least I can check for where a certain person lives, work out how a sober person would find their home. Hmm. Either direction sounds good, if it gets me out of the house. That cleaning can wait until later on.

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