Dean Rivers (dean_r) wrote,
Dean Rivers

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For some moments in life there are no words.

Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir ihre aufmerksamkeit!

A weary day starts again here in Tacoma. A faded grey afternoon, and nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts to contend with. I feign any real interest in what is going on. So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. I am extraordinarily busy. I have to contend with the dramatics of purchasing cat food and playing more games for today. And this livejournal post, which began whimsically enough but has been worked on with a real purpose.

I suppose for this evening I should go and travel a little, try something different. A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men. But I do have something that should start to fix things up a little. The camera I purchased should arrive tomorrow morning - I'll be testing out its incredible zooming ability first and foremost, from relative peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles and Hornswogglers and Snozzwangers and rotten Vermicious Knids.

I also have another source of optimism - I'll be watching Rocco DeLuca & The Burden perform on the 30th January alongside Jamie, with the intention of trying to have fun with them the night of the performance. They expected us to stop by and say hello; it'd be rude of us not to. For all I know, they're just going to say hi and get on a tour bus and go, but a night getting drunk with them with cameras abound would be far more excellent. The realist in me tells me to remain calm, but there is no life I know to compare with pure imagination.

I also have another source of optimism - Mademoiselle CJ will be visiting in the middle of February, and I take very good care of my guests. New York is starting to get to her, and she needs a release. I told her of all the natural beauty Washington has. This area feels like some kind of twisted fantasy that cannot be described until you see it, and will not leave your memory once you do. A thing of beuaty is a joy forever. If you want to view paradise, you simply look around and view it. It's even gotten to the point that based upon initial research, the excitement of this place in its familiarity (but vibrant differences) is making her consider if she might want to move here - I've been telling her that life's for living and from my personal experiences that it's better to do anything you want to while you can - if you want to change the world, there's nothing to it. If she intends to take this trip as a chance to get to know the area, I intend to make her trip as memorable as possible. There's definite nervousness on her part in terms of pushing for independence, but as I believe she's mature enough to handle whatever comes along, then there's no better time to learn.

I also have another source of optimism - visiting England in late March or early April, if and when I order tickets. I'm being realistic and keeping on eye on debts before I consider what to do about traveling. Family and friends I hope to meet apparently are all traveling around this time too, in some capacity, which makes the notion of meeting as many people as I want to difficult. But you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about.

So, I keep waiting until these moments come. The parts inbetween blur, but the suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last. A bit of intrigue and excitement waiting for me. Little surprises around every corner, but nothing dangerous. It certainly beats the washed-out days. After all, there's no earthly way of knowing which direction we are going, and too often I try to put a direction in my life. Maybe I should just rest awhile, look at what I'm doing. I've still got my youth to me, and I can handle getting pulled in different directions whilst getting my bearings. Small boys are extremely springy and elastic. I'm surprised at how well I'm handling the break-up, admittedly there's moments of falling apart, but thankfully I don't shatter. A million pieces takes a long time to put together, but thankfully I didn't get to that level.

One idea I had to prolong the day was to try and invent a meme of sorts, which has been fun in its creation. Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple. I hope that you've got the concept of the meme, because I'm not explaining it any further. It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal. I hope other people pick up on it and replicate it, but it does take a lot of time to work on and produce. Any questions on the matter? Well, I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing. But answers? Oh! I wouldn't do that. I really wouldn't. Far more fun to let people work it out.

And if they don't get it? Well, that's even more fun. You can enjoy their failures. "Wrong, sir! Wrong!" or "Impossible, my dear lady. That's absurd. Unthinkable." or "You get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir! I SAID GOOD DAY!" could be screamed out, if not other more apt options.

So, that was my invention for the day. My sole thing to be proud of after an afternoon of naught. So shines a good deed in a weary world. It's actually very tough to stay coherent for this. Hard to pick and choose at the various strands. But it's a good form of hard work and better than the regressing away I used to put myself through. I realised you can't get out backwards. Jamie liked a line from a film that said "This shit life... we must chuck some things. We must chuck them... in this shit life." I'm fixing myself and getting rid of what I hate about me. There's certainly going to be a lot of garbage today. You've got to go forwards to go back, better press on and all that. And I feel better for it - I'm simple to please, and being happy is all I've wanted.

And don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he had always wanted. He lived happily ever after.

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