Dean Rivers (dean_r) wrote,
Dean Rivers
dean_r

The Good Soul

I find that I'm embracing fear better than ever.

I've had a lot of concerns - a very problematic circumstance with my taxes, and my visa seeming less certain to go through than I'd have liked, and the little scrapes in this household. I've kept pretty calm about it, and I've been told I've been acting way too calm for this.

Truth is, these problems aren't fears. They're a consequence of a lack of money and also a lack of controlling what is outside of my boundaries. What was in my control was looked into, and organised as well as I could have, to ensure my well-being.

I was told by Stephanie that her mother (who believes in mystics) asked for an opinion of me from some of her mystics. I am "a good soul", and that makes me feel more positive. It's not the most orthodox way to know I'm getting a seal of approval, but I am happy to have heard this.

Next interesting matter at hand was searching for an apartment alongside Jamie and Stephanie. I investigated a particular place that was ideal for living arrangements for the parties involved on Friday. It was a decent size, and had what everyone needed (cheap rent, easy bus commuting, an exciting spot to live in) and apparently when the manager of the establishment met me, he knew I was meant to be there. When Jamie and Stephanie visited he praised all of us, but Stephanie told me that he said that I was "a good soul" and based upon this initial meeting, and compounded by this subsequent meeting, he had no reason to do credit checks on us. He simply liked us, knew we wouldn't be trouble, and wanted us in.

That reassurance and confidence is rejuvenating right now. It makes this move feel more of a forwards step for development. I feel that with this energy I should be more confident of a secure job in Seattle; I am generally liked and just need to find something where I can use this energy and vitality. Something with a semblance of creativity?

I think I'll need to practice upping my WPM. I'm a little slower than I used to be, but I do sit around this laptop like a monkey or with my knees next to my chin. I wonder what an orthopedic chair would do for me these days, apart from confirm that my back is a warped beast, wrecked by the youth of video games-schlomping and also by sitting with my legs over my head as a child, "because I could".

Beyond that? Not sure. Got this laptop to send off. It doesn't pick up a wireless signal at all. Maybe I can scarf some free 'net access while I'm there. I've also got my Clearwire internet to just plug in when I get there - I guess there is a benefit to this company; I can take the ISP with me, without any real hard work.

I've got to arrange a going-away party or two. I have friends I'll miss, some who will come up and visit, some who I think will not unless they're just in the area. I have some friends who don't keep up in my life that well, that won't even know I'm moving until I'm gone!

So. I'm a good soul, I have a roof over my head in Seattle - one month away and counting - but I need a job and I need to start packing. And working out where some of my films are. That's the biggest drama I have. These films that I own but are not in my possession. They're frustrating me most because they're what I could have controlled a lot better, and I've let myself get taken advantage of.

Things are going to change.
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